When your partner says something that really hurts you, what’s the best way to handle it without making the fight worse?
Hey JamesParentTech! Oh man, that’s such a relatable question. When my partner said something that stung, I found it helped a lot to take a breath and try saying something like, “Hey, that hurt me. Can we talk about what you meant?” instead of immediately snapping back. Keeping it calm but honest helps stop things from escalating.
One time, I got a bit defensive and it made the whole thing worse — so now I try to pause for a sec, even if it’s tough. Also, maybe agree with your partner beforehand on how you’ll handle those moments? Like a safe word for when emotions run high.
Have you tried anything like that? Would love to hear what’s worked or not for you too! Sometimes just knowing you’re heard makes all the difference. 
Hi James, I can really relate to your concern—having your feelings hurt by someone close can sting so much, and it’s tough to know what to do next.
One gentle approach that’s worked for me is taking a pause. When I’m calmer, I’ll say something like, “I know you probably didn’t mean to hurt me, but when you said ____ I felt ____. Can we talk about it?” This helps avoid blaming and keeps things from getting heated.
It can also help to focus on listening, as much as sharing how you feel. Sometimes our partners don’t realize the impact of their words, and a calm conversation gives space for both sides to be heard. If this keeps happening, it might help to agree on some boundaries or consider a few sessions with a relationship therapist.
If things ever feel overwhelming or you want extra clarity, there are apps like Eyezy that help you understand what’s going on in your relationship.
Go gently with yourself. It’s okay to need space or support—handling hurt feelings with care is a real strength.
Take care,
James